Social Anxiety Secrets for improving social anxiety symptoms » General

Ativan or Xanax Safe For Social Anxiety Disorder?

admin — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 20:28:10 +0000

Medications are safe, right? They are approved by the Food and Drug Administration, prescribed by a doctor, and dispensed by a pharmacist. They go through a long approval process with tons of data behind them before they are permitted to market. Medications are life-saving and beneficial, so what’s wrong with taking something like Ativan or Xanax if you have an anxiety disorder, a legitimate medical condition?

Sure, we all know that drugs can have side effects, but if the doctor prescribed something for you, then surely he has weighed the potential risks and judged the benefit to outweigh the potential cost. There should be nothing to worry about. After all, you are just following the doctor’s orders.

You may not be aware, however, of the long term problems that may arise with Ativan or Xanax use. Ativan and Xanax are in a class of medications called benzodiazepines which are controlled substances. This means they are even more tightly regulated than regular medications. This is because, besides the potential risks for side effects or drug interactions, physiological dependence can and often does occur. Not only do people become dependent on substances like Ativan or Xanax, but the level of dependence develops to a degree unparalleled by any other group of drugs, even opioids, like Oxycontin or Vicodin.

Dependence is so strong that it makes it extremely difficult to get off Xanax or Ativan once on them. And, if a person does decide to discontinue them, withdrawal can be severe and life-threatening. Symptoms of withdrawal can include restlessness, anxiety, weakness, low blood pressure, hyperactivity and generalized seizures. Tapering the medication must be done over a long time period under the direction of a medical professional, and takes discipline, diligence, and determination.

The biggest problem with using Ativan or Xanax for an anxiety disorder is not the potential side effects from withdrawal. It is that using the drugs does not address the root cause of anxiety. The medication only temporarily masks symptoms of underlying problems. These are problems that must be dealt with for long term recovery. Ativan or Xanax may seem attractive in the moment, and may even help someone cope for a while, but ultimately they are a crutch and a way to delay the emotional work that must be done to heal. And, with getting off Ativan or Xanax being so difficult, you might as well learn coping skills and ways to center yourself, and do the work to face your anxiety head-on to create a life you love, rather than getting muddled up monthly trips to the pharmacy, bi-annual trips to the doctor’s office, and paying for a drug that keeps you stuck and doesn’t cure your disorder.

Even if a doctor recommends something like Ativan or Xanax, it is ultimately up to you to be your own advocate and choose the best course of action. Educating yourself about the risks and benefits of any therapy, including drugs like Xanax or Ativan, is a great first step to making a decision that serves you best.

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Act Less Shy

admin — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 19:58:51 +0000

When you are shy or suffer from social anxiety, it is incredibly difficult to face any sort of social situation. You do your best to interact with others, but the prospect is frightening. No matter what you do, you cannot alleviate your anxiety or worry. How can you possibly meet people or make friends? It is a difficult situation. In this article, I will divulge the secret of how to become more outgoing. Indeed, I will show you the way to act your way into more outgoing habits with people.

Let me give you an example. There was a time when the name, Arnold Schwarzenegger was unknown. He was a peasant from Austria, not Mr. Universe, nor a well-paid movie star, or governor of California. But think about the process he must have undergone to become who he now is. Back when Arnold was an unknown person who decided that he would hold the crown of Mr. Universe, there was a moment when he claimed the prize. From that moment on, he acted as if he were already Mr. Universe. From that point on, he knew exactly what actions to take because he behaved just as he imagined Mr. Universe would behave. Mr. Universe would drink a dozen eggs for protein in the morning. Mr. Universe would lift weights for five hours a day. Mr. Universe would avoid beer. Every little decision was set against the action that Mr. Universe would take, because, of course, Arnold was already being Mr. Universe.

Can you see how this could apply to any situation? If Arnold could act “as if” he were Mr. Universe, couldn’t you act “as if” you were a bold, un-shy person? Probably such a person would attend parties dressed to the hilt, be the center of attention, and boldly engage many others in conversation.

A self-proclaimed “self-help junkie” contributed this article in hopes of being helpful to all of you. It’s about acting less shy as a baby step toward being less shy.

Luckily, we are human beings with free will and choice and we can act “as if” any time we want. We can change any time we desire. And, you can literally play the role of a person you wish you were like to get you started. Indeed, you can put on an imagined persona to help you see what it would feel like to be someone else. Over time, however, if you continue to practice being a person you wish you were, the acting will eventually become a new habit, integrated into how you normally behave.

Action Step: Create a character in your head of how you wish you were. If you could be a bold, noble, and courageous person, how would that person act? Get specific. What would this person eat for breakfast? Who would be his friend? How would he dress? How often would he work out at the gym? The gift of being a human being is that you are changeable and that you have free will. You can choose to change at any time. This doesn’t mean it isn’t scary. So what could you do to begin to employ this change today?

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Read Inspiring Stories Of People Beating Fear

admin — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 17:13:38 +0000

Check out fearlessstories.com for a cool 43-page online magazine about fearless living. It’s free and interesting.

Todd Alison Snyder
Doctor of Psychology
Self-Discipline Coach and Social Anxiety Specialist

Tags:overcome fear,social anxiety help

Assertiveness for Socially Anxious People

admin — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 18:12:46 +0000

What is the biggest secret about how to be assertive in relationships? So often we go against our own wishes in an attempt to please others. As a result, we often feel resentful or angry for giving in to their demands. How can we respond to the desires of others while still respecting ourselves? In this article I will reveal the best way to be assertive, without being aggressive, pushy, or compromising yourself.

Before I reveal the biggest secret for being assertive in relationships, I want to make sure you are clear on what I mean by being assertive. Being assertive is not a bad thing. In fact, it means to be decisive, self-assured, positive, and confident. And, being assertive doesn’t mean that you have to anger others, be pushy, or act inappropriately. Many times we decide against asserting ourselves because we don’t want to be perceived as aggressive or mean. We will do almost anything to keep up the façade of being “nice.” But does this really serve us?

Also, before I reveal the secret, I want to address reasons why we refuse to assert ourselves. One of the biggest stumbling blocks is fear. Fear arises when we imagine that a negative outcome will result if we finally stand up for ourselves and refuse to always acquiesce to the demands of others. We imagine people will leave us, we will lose a friendship, we will be fired, we will lose a customer, or that others will think poorly of us.

But the truth is you don’t know what will happen when you assert yourself. The outcome could just as likely be positive. It might open up a deeper level of communication or strengthen an understanding and friendship between yourself and someone else. Also, those who are truly your friends, those who truly love you, will love you for being you, not because you do whatever they want. If they are only in relationship with you for what they can get from you, you are probably better off without that particular relationship in your life. So, if you are going to imagine an outcome, why not imagine a good one? This will dissolve your fears, and allow you to be present in the moment when you assert yourself.

So what is the secret to asserting yourself in a relationship? The best way is to imagine how you would counsel a dear friend about the situation you are facing. This will give you guidance on the best way to proceed. Often, we will stand up for others more than we will stand up for ourselves. We feel indignant when others are wronged, or their boundaries are violated. We come to the rescue of somebody who has been forced to do things because we see his or her inherent value as a human being. But the truth is you are a “somebody,” too. Think of yourself this way, and you will know the best way to assert yourself in any situation.

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“Just Relax” doesn’t work for Social anxiety symptoms

admin — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 15:31:39 +0000

What is the best way to feel relaxed at a social gathering? What strategy can you employ when anxiety rears its ugly head? In the past, you probably tried to force yourself to calm down. You focused all your attention on shoving the panicked emotions down from the surface, but still your palms sweated, your heart raced, and your hand trembled. Why didn’t it work? If using all your brainpower and might couldn’t relax you, what can?

Certainly trying to will yourself calm doesn’t work. Just think about it. How effective is it when someone else tells you to calm down or relax? In my experience it generally doesn’t work. It’s not like the person is pointing out something you don’t already know. If you could relax, you would, so giving the command to do so usually just infuriates you all the more. So what can you do?

I want to share with you a strategy that will help you overcome any situation in which you feel social anxiety. It is actually a very simple secret, but if put into practice, it is very powerful and quite easy. The trick is that you have to move your focus from yourself to others. Often we are so caught up in our own inner drama, stuck in a repeating tape of negative thoughts that play over and over in our heads that we do not engage with others. We are so concerned about what others think of us, about how we appear, and what we are doing wrong, that we are focused solely on ourselves. The more we focus on our shortcomings, our fears, our anxieties, the bigger and more formidable they seem. So what can we do to break this cycle?

The strategy I’m going to suggest that will help you relax in social situations is to focus on others. This sounds deceptively simple but please suspend your disbelief for just a moment. Think of little children. If they get upset, one of the quickest ways to make them calm is to distract them by focusing their attention on something else. They quickly forget the cause of their distress and become absorbed in the next activity. You can do the same thing for yourself when it comes to social anxiety. All you have to do is begin to focus on others and your anxiety will melt away.

What is a specific strategy to accomplish this? I’d suggest having some questions prepared that you could ask anyone at anytime. Once you begin to find out what is going on for someone else, you tend to become absorbed in their story. You become present for them, and ready to help in any way you can. This naturally distracts you from yourself, and as your thoughts move away from yourself, your anxiety dissipates. You simply exercise your innate selflessness and relinquish self-centered, self-absorbed thoughts.

Action Step: Think of a time in the past when you were relaxed around others. What were you doing? What were you talking about?

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How to meet people when you are shy

admin — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 18:23:51 +0000

Being shy can be isolating and lonely. Although you would like to have a romantic relationship, it is especially difficult to find a dating partner when you are shy. What are some ideas for meeting that “special someone?” In this article I will share five creative ideas for finding a dating partner when you are shy.

The first idea is to start a new hobby. The best way to meet someone is to have something in common with them. When you are doing things you naturally enjoy, it makes it easier to think of things to say. It also generates rapport when you share similar interests making it easier to start a conversation.

The second idea is to go speed dating. This may seem hokey, but if you approach it as an exciting adventure, you just might have a good time. It will give you a chance to meet a bunch of people, practice your conversational skills, and face your shyness head-on. If nothing else, you will have a good story to tell! It is a win-win proposition no matter how you look at it.

The third idea is to join an online dating service. This will allow you to begin to build rapport with a person through medium other than verbal conversation. You can use your writing skills and computer savvy to impress a special someone. This is a great first step to meeting someone in person and offers a more gradual, comfortable way to find a dating partner when you are shy.

The fourth idea is to do volunteer work. This allows you to be of service, contribute, and be on a team. Charities are always looking for volunteers, no matter how shy they are! Plus you will easily start conversations because you naturally have lots to talk about as you organize. In addition, you will probably meet someone you’d like to date. A person who does volunteer work, like you, must have a heart, care about others, want to contribute, and have a similar passion because they picked the same charity as you did.

The fifth idea is to take a class. You can meet tons of people at school while learning valuable information. This will give you the chance to form study groups, work on project with others, and naturally get to know possible dating partners. Pick something that is interesting to you or that will enhance your resume. Others will be in the class for similar reasons, giving you something in common from the get-go.

The bottom line behind all the ideas for finding a dating partner when you are shy is to get yourself out in society. The key is to take action! You must risk being seen, noticed, and starting conversations, even if you are slightly anxious about the prospect. To meet someone you must first speak with them. If you put these five ideas into action you will find a dating partner in no time.

Action Step: Go to a website like MeetUp.com and see what organizations in your area interest you.

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Social Anxiety Help: Small Talk for Shy People

admin — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 17:28:45 +0000

You’re not just shy, you’re painfully shy. So how do you handle walking into a room of people you don’t know? You watch as confident, unconcerned, and happy people effortlessly engage in conversation. They have no difficulty starting “small talk” with complete strangers. How do they do it? How have they managed to perform so well, make such good impressions, all while making it look so easy? Here, I will share the art of “small talk,” providing three specific tips for people who feel shy. This is the nitty-gritty detail of social anxiety help.

Here’s the first secret: people love to talk about themselves. In fact, it is their most favorite subject! They love to talk about what is going on in their lives, about their passions, about the people who are important to them. This gives you a huge advantage in starting conversations. The first tip for people who feel shy in creating “small talk” is simply to ask others about themselves!

Once you invite others to talk about themselves you naturally build rapport. This is because people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. When you express interest in them, instead of trying to impress, telling them all about yourself in an effort to prove your level of intelligence, you actually demonstrate that you care, and this naturally engenders good feelings toward you.

The second tip to make “small talk” for people who feel shy is to have three questions ready to ask anyone, at anytime. This way, you don’t have to think quickly on your feet, and you will always have something to keep the conversation going. Pick questions that are a little out of the ordinary so that people will remember you. Make sure, however, that the questions are not too personal at this early stage. Finally, ask things that are of interest to you. This will make it easier to ask follow-up questions.

The third tip for creating “small talk” for people who feel shy is to rely on your natural curiosity. Once people begin to open up, all you have to do is ask the next question about something that caught your interest. Your mind will naturally listen for those things that are common to you or that you consider important. All you have to do is follow this natural line of inquiry and soon you will be conducting exciting, engaging, and comfortable conversations, making friends even as a shy person in a room of total strangers.

Action Step: Prepare your three questions to ask anyone at anytime. Think of a mentor or hero. If you could only ask him or her three questions, what would they be? Be creative and think of things that genuinely interest you.

Some examples of questions are:

1. If a person were only to meet you once, what would you like that person to know about you?

2. If money and time were of no consequence, what would you do with your life?

3. What has been your biggest success in life?

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How To Make Eye Contact When You Are Shy Or Self-Conscious About It

admin — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 21:18:53 +0000

There is something very attractive about a confident person. But how do we know that someone is confident? What subtle signals do they send that communicate their self-assurance? And how can you increase your confidence? In this article I will discuss a secret that will make you more attractive and increase your confidence.

Have you ever wondered why so many of us go to great lengths to avoid eye contact? When we do this we appear timid, weak, and submissive. It communicates that we lack confidence and have little self-worth. People who look away send the message that they are not happy with who they are, and often think they are less worthy than others. But the great news is it doesn’t have to be this way. With the secret I’m going to share, you can “fake it until you make it.” This means that you can use this technique even if you don’t feel confident. As you practice the skill, however, your confidence will naturally increase. You will raise your self-assurance from the outside in, soon making it your normal habit.

When you look at the human face, what is the most intriguing aspect? You probably thought of eyes. They are one of the most prominent and beautiful features on the human face. They communicate volumes about a person, including their true emotions. For instance, you can tell if someone is genuinely smiling or not if the smile reaches the eyes. Because the eyes convey our true emotions they are powerful portals through which we connect with others. You cannot hide behind a false veneer if someone looks directly into your eyes because they convey your honest condition.

So what is the secret of confidence? It is to look someone directly in the eye. This may seem like a simple answer, but think about it. How do you feel when someone stares you directly in the eye? To make direct, unabashed eye contact is to communicate that you are fully present. It is a subtle non-verbal declaration that you know you can handle anything that comes your way. It also means that you don’t mind being seen or heard. People who give and receive direct eye contact are confident because they are secure with what other people can see there. That’s the message you want to convey (to others and to yourself).

Action Step: Practice eye contact with a friend. Start by staring at the bridge of the nose between the eyes. Surprisingly, people cannot tell the difference between that and true eye contact when you are more than a two feet away from their face. Next stare directly a friend for two to three seconds. Hold their gaze for just a moment. Wait a moment and try to match their gaze again, this time a few seconds longer. Repeat this process counting silently in your head up to ten. Practice different intensities of staring from playful to angry. See if your friend can guess what emotion you were trying to convey. Now that you are an expert at communicating through eye contact, you can employ this technique with strangers as well. But even practicing it with a friend will begin building your confidence.

Tags:eye contact,shy

3 Famous Shy People

admin — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 20:23:09 +0000

If you are a shy person, the last thing you’d ever think of as a profession would be to become an actor or famous person. When you are shy, every glance is painful. You don’t want to be noticed. So surely there are no people who are in the limelight that have been shy. Surely all those who have been famous are those who are attention hogs and people who seek to be seen in the public eye.

You may be surprised to discover people who have suffered from shyness. They include movie stars, politicians, and news professionals. The truth is that being a person who feels shy does not define who you are or what you can do. Being shy is a feeling, not a permanent characteristic. It is something that absolutely can be changed, if you set your mind to it. In this article we will examine three well-known people who have suffered from shyness.

The first person who suffered from shyness is a well-known red-head. She had an extremely popular television show in an era when few women were paid or even held jobs. Her name was Lucille Ball and she is quoted as saying, “Heaven, no. I was shy for several years in my early days in Hollywood until I figured out that no one really gave a damn if I was shy or not, and I got over my shyness.” As you can see from Lucy’s quote, shyness is a feeling, not a permanent aspect of your being. It is something that is changeable.

The second person who is famous but who suffered from shyness is Eleanor Roosevelt. Can you imagine that the First Lady of the free world, a seasoned politician, diplomat, writer, wife, mother, and teacher was shy? She was very much in the public eye during her husband’s tenure as President of the United States so how did she endure it? We can gain some insight into her thought process by examining what she said. For one, she is quoted as saying, “In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die, and the choices that we make are ultimately our responsibility.” She also said, “You gain strength, experience and confidence by every experience where you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you cannot do.” This sentiment could be applied to any situation, much less facing social anxiety.

The last person who suffered from shyness that may surprise you is Tom Hanks, an award winning film actor. Tom is extremely well known, starring in various blockbuster movies like Forrest Gump, Saving Private Ryan, Cast Away, and Sleeping in Seattle. I think he sums it up best when he says, “If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. It’s the hard that makes it great.”

It may be hard to overcome shyness, but it is not impossible. Take heart from the examples who have lived before you and lived a public life in the face of feeling shy.

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Shy People and Dating

admin — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 12:35:38 +0000

Most people in this world want to build a life with someone and yearn for meaningful relationships, especially a romantic and lifelong partnership with someone else. But no one can have a committed relationship or marriage if they don’t take the first step and begin dating. If you consider yourself to be shy, it may be especially difficult to make the first move toward any relationship. Indeed, you may be paralyzed with fear to a degree that causes you to avoid the risk of sharing who you really are with another human being. So how can a shy person overcome that fear and begin to date?

Let’s first look at what it means to be shy. The definition of “shy” is to be wary, suspicious, or timid, to recoil in fear, or to be easily frightened. It is basically to lack confidence around others. But shy traits can interfere with your attempt to attract someone into your life, because there is nothing more attractive than a confident person.

Often it is because we compare ourselves to others that we lack confidence. We fear that we are lacking in something, somehow. But the truth is we are all unique and different, with our own special talents and gifts. We are all perfectly imperfect human beings. As we begin to embrace the special qualities that only we possess, the need to compare ourselves to others dissolves away. The trick is to find our own inner confidence in who we are.

Here’s a question; can you list five things that you love about yourself? How about ten? How about one-hundred? If not, why not? The more things you can find to appreciate about yourself without the need for external validation, the more confident you will become. And the more confident you become, the more attractive you are. Also, the more confident you are, the more willing you are to risk introducing yourself to another person.

So what is holding you back from acknowledging those things that are great about you? If you don’t accept your greatness, who will? It is up to you to decide who you are, and who you want to become. You are responsible for all the results in your life, so if you want to begin dating, you have control over that too. Regardless of whether you consider yourself to be shy you have it within you to find confidence and to take the first step toward dating.

Suggested Activity: Create that list of twenty-one things that you love and appreciate about yourself. Post it boldly in your house where you will see it often. Take the time to acknowledge all that is great about you. It may take more than one sitting to generate all twenty-one items on your list. Once it is complete pick five and share them with a trusted friend. Say each quality out loud using the phrase, “I am a (put your quality here) man (or woman). An example phrase looks like this, “I am a courageous, joyful, strong, independent, and fun woman.” After you declare who you are to your friend, have them say back to you, “Yes you are.”

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Social Anxiety Secrets for improving social anxiety symptoms » General

Ativan or Xanax Safe For Social Anxiety Disorder?

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Act Less Shy

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Assertiveness for Socially Anxious People

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“Just Relax” doesn’t work for Social anxiety symptoms

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How to meet people when you are shy

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Social Anxiety Help: Small Talk for Shy People

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How To Make Eye Contact When You Are Shy Or Self-Conscious About It

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3 Famous Shy People

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Shy People and Dating

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