How To Make Eye Contact When You Are Shy Or Self-Conscious About It

There is something very attractive about a confident person.  But how do we know that someone is confident?  What subtle signals do they send that communicate their self-assurance?  And how can you increase your confidence?  In this article I will discuss a secret that will make you more attractive and increase your confidence.

Have you ever wondered why so many of us go to great lengths to avoid eye contact?  When we do this we appear timid, weak, and submissive.  It communicates that we lack confidence and have little self-worth.  People who look away send the message that they are not happy with who they are, and often think they are less worthy than others.  But the great news is it doesn’t have to be this way.  With the secret I’m going to share, you can “fake it until you make it.”  This means that you can use this technique even if you don’t feel confident.  As you practice the skill, however, your confidence will naturally increase.  You will raise your self-assurance from the outside in, soon making it your normal habit.

When you look at the human face, what is the most intriguing aspect?  You probably thought of eyes.  They are one of the most prominent and beautiful features on the human face.  They communicate volumes about a person, including their true emotions.  For instance, you can tell if someone is genuinely smiling or not if the smile reaches the eyes.  Because the eyes convey our true emotions they are powerful portals through which we connect with others.  You cannot hide behind a false veneer if someone looks directly into your eyes because they convey your honest condition.

So what is the secret of confidence?  It is to look someone directly in the eye.  This may seem like a simple answer, but think about it.  How do you feel when someone stares you directly in the eye?  To make direct, unabashed eye contact is to communicate that you are fully present.  It is a subtle non-verbal declaration that you know you can handle anything that comes your way.  It also means that you don’t mind being seen or heard.  People who give and receive direct eye contact are confident because they are secure with what other people can see there.  That’s the message you want to convey (to others and to yourself).

Action Step:  Practice eye contact with a friend.  Start by staring at the bridge of the nose between the eyes.  Surprisingly, people cannot tell the difference between that and true eye contact when you are more than a two feet away from their face.  Next stare directly a friend for two to three seconds.  Hold their gaze for just a moment.  Wait a moment and try to match their gaze again, this time a few seconds longer.  Repeat this process counting silently in your head up to ten.  Practice different intensities of staring from playful to angry.  See if your friend can guess what emotion you were trying to convey.  Now that you are an expert at communicating through eye contact, you can employ this technique with strangers as well.  But even practicing it with a friend will begin building your confidence.

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  • sutton coldfield physiotherapist March 12, 2013 at 6:50 am

    Hello there! This blog post couldn’t be written much better! Going through this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He always kept talking about this. I most certainly will forward this information to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read. I appreciate you for sharing!