How To Relax At Parties and Other Social Gatherings

September 12th, 2009 by admin

If you have social anxiety or excessive shyness, you probably know what it feels like to have the push-pull sensation of excitement about a party or social event paired with nervous physical sensations such as butterflies in your stomach, diarrhea, minor tremors in your hands, or other such annoyance. These annoying sensations of anxiety are your body’s way of alerting you to the mild, but nonetheless problematic, fears that you hold somewhere in the back of your mind about what could go wrong at the social event.

In my Social Anxiety Secrets e-book, I talk a lot about the powerful effect of getting your mind to shift towards what you do want instead of what you don’t want. This is one of those times where it is critical to take action on that advice. If you don’t know how to do it, consult the ebook. It’s quite difficulty when your mind feels pinned to the terrifying “what if” questions of possible humiliation or negative judgment from others. But believe me when I tell you that it’s a skill worth developing. And one of the simplest ways to develop the skill (though it takes time and consistent effort like all worthwhile endeavors) is to fill you mind with what you do want in a social situation that would otherwise make you anxious.

You see, the anxiety draws your mind to the anxious symptoms, which often leads to thoughts like, “What’s wrong with me?” or, “Why can’t I just relax?” When your mind dwells on these questions (and their answers) you become more anxious and more obsessed with the fact that you feel anxious. More attention to that problem is not going to solve the problem, but rather make it worse.

Back to the simple solution that takes time: Figure out what socially adept people think about in such situations. What does the person without a socially anxious temperament contemplate in moments like these? This is what you want to train your mind to focus on. How do you do it? Flood your mind with the right kind of ideas. A great way to do this is to think about very extraverted people you know and guess what kinds of things they must think. Try to own those thoughts as your own. The most effective methods I’ve discovered for this kind of thing is to get interested in the “right stuff,” like a book or program focused on charisma and social skills (think: what I do want). If you’d like to pursue that direction, I recommend an ebook by a guy who lived this process and formed it into a system for others to benefit from. You can find his charisma-solution to social anxiety thoughts here. Whatever you do, flood your mind with constant thoughts about what you do want and don’t get obsessed about whether you are feeling anxious (or else your mind’s attention will gradually magnify those symptoms over time).

Live with Courage!

Dr. Snyder