Social Anxiety Help: Small Talk for Shy People
You’re not just shy, you’re painfully shy. So how do you handle walking into a room of people you don’t know? You watch as confident, unconcerned, and happy people effortlessly engage in conversation. They have no difficulty starting “small talk” with complete strangers. How do they do it? How have they managed to perform so well, make such good impressions, all while making it look so easy? Here, I will share the art of “small talk,” providing three specific tips for people who feel shy. This is the nitty-gritty detail of social anxiety help.
Here’s the first secret: people love to talk about themselves. In fact, it is their most favorite subject! They love to talk about what is going on in their lives, about their passions, about the people who are important to them. This gives you a huge advantage in starting conversations. The first tip for people who feel shy in creating “small talk” is simply to ask others about themselves!
Once you invite others to talk about themselves you naturally build rapport. This is because people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. When you express interest in them, instead of trying to impress, telling them all about yourself in an effort to prove your level of intelligence, you actually demonstrate that you care, and this naturally engenders good feelings toward you.
The second tip to make “small talk” for people who feel shy is to have three questions ready to ask anyone, at anytime. This way, you don’t have to think quickly on your feet, and you will always have something to keep the conversation going. Pick questions that are a little out of the ordinary so that people will remember you. Make sure, however, that the questions are not too personal at this early stage. Finally, ask things that are of interest to you. This will make it easier to ask follow-up questions.
The third tip for creating “small talk” for people who feel shy is to rely on your natural curiosity. Once people begin to open up, all you have to do is ask the next question about something that caught your interest. Your mind will naturally listen for those things that are common to you or that you consider important. All you have to do is follow this natural line of inquiry and soon you will be conducting exciting, engaging, and comfortable conversations, making friends even as a shy person in a room of total strangers.
Action Step: Prepare your three questions to ask anyone at anytime. Think of a mentor or hero. If you could only ask him or her three questions, what would they be? Be creative and think of things that genuinely interest you.
Some examples of questions are:
1. If a person were only to meet you once, what would you like that person to know about you?
2. If money and time were of no consequence, what would you do with your life?
3. What has been your biggest success in life?
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